WoD!

Rx'd:

Five rounds for time:
400m run
95lb overhead squat, 15 reps

What I did:
400m run
45lb overhead squat, 15 reps

Time: 24:00ish. I forgot to check the clock before starting so after doing the math and giving a guesstimate, I'm happy it was close enough to 24 mins total.
I'm glad I didn't do the entire 95 lbs. I would have needed to scale it eventually anyway, but this time I was able to go pretty much continuously, with a total break of about five minutes scattered through the WoD. I averaged about a 1:30 on the 400m's, but that isn't saying much considering it's on a human hamster wheel. There just isn't a track at the Y, and even if there were, I doubt they'd let me take an Olympic bar out of the building! I made up for it (or tried to anyway) with starting the t-mill at 12.2 and working my way down to 9.0 on set four, and back at 10 on set five.

Safe travels, Kibbie! :)

Climb on!

G'day!

I finally got the pics working from the trip to OKC Rocks. Hopefully there hasn't been to much data transfered and Geocities won't block them out for a while.
Here's the ever-graceful K2...I swear, that girl moves like a cat. If I had half of her style I'd scamper up those walls like a spider monkey!

Here's an awesome pic she took as I was climbing the opposite side of the 'wall' she climbed above. I think I had just flipped around, but don't quote me on that.

Here's my goofy grin after having my butt kicked by a wall. You can see the first couple of holds in the background. I think they're laughing at me.

WoDptimism

Today:

Hang Power Clean 3-3-3-3-3

I did:

65 lbs, 95 lbs, 115 lbs, 135 lbs, attempted 145

On the last 135 my concentration broke and I didn't get the 145. I stopped there because I didn't want to hurt myself.

Also did some swimming, five laps (really more like lengths, but close I suppose).

Yesterday:

A friend and I climbed for about two-two and a half hours. Not consitently, but enough to wear us out. I'll blog about it when I can get the pictures to work right.

RX'ed:

X3 For Time:
1000m row
50 thrusters, 45 lbs
30 pullups

Seriously scaled version:

x 3 For Time:
500m row
25 thrusters
10 pullups

I don't have any idea what the time was, but I hit it as hard and fast as possible (which wasn't much considering the climbing). Today I'm exhausted.

WoDahol

Yesterday's Rx WoD was an evil cousin to "Tabata This," but I wanted something that worked my entire body instead of just doing air squats until my legs fall off.

Yesterday:

Tabata This:
20/10 work rest cycle in seconds, eight sets of each exercise
Pull-ups
Push-ups
Sit-ups
Squats

Pull-ups: Started with 10, then a few rounds of six, then three
Push-ups: Started with...10? 15? I don't remember. It was bad with these, for the last four(ish) rounds I had to alternate between the planche and doing push-ups. I remember severly irritating my elbow tendons the last time I did this, so there was no need to push it!
Sit-ups: Relatively pleased, could have done better though. All sit-ups were unassisted, did sets of 10-13.
Squats: Bleh. Serious room to grow here. The first time I did this workout it was 20 squats every round...now, I did 20 the first, 15 or more in two through six, 10 in round seven, and 20 in round eight.

In addition to this workout I did:

X5:
Scullies, seven reps, four count exercise
Flutter kicks, 10 reps, four count exercise
I got to round four and nearly gave up the ghost. I'd decided to rest 30 seconds between each round, and thanks in part to the worship music I was listening to, decided that I'd better give it another 30 and do the exercise. Better late than never!

After that was some swimming. I only did one or two laps and each lap was broken into lengths. I am proud of myself though! No aids other than goooogles were used. Not to mention it impressed the cute lifeguard! Heh! She's watched me go from "I'm going to die out here!" to swimming all by myself.

Today's WoD:

Shoulder Press, 3-3-3-3-3

For some reason I still can't fathom I thought there were only FOUR sets instead of FIVE, so that's what I did.

115-125-135-125

In addition to that I did some more swimming:
8 LAPS this time, not lengths, with only my trusty gooogles. Yippers! Then I did some underwater swims, but it was just a couple of laps. The aforementioned lifeguard promised me a cookie if I kept swimming (this was on lap 3 I think), so I kept going...but never got my cookie! Blast it! She ATE it right in front of me! Poop! Oh well. I guess cute girls are allowed to do that. :P

Whew...Recovery....

Beauty for ashes
A garment of praise for my heaviness
Beauty for ashes
Take this heart of stone and make it yours

I delight myself in the Richest of Fare
Trading all that I've had for all that is
better
A garment of praise for my heaviness
You are the greatest taste,
You're the Richest of Fare

Today has been great! Though there is still ache, after an hour or so of worship and prayer, I feel consumed in the joy of knowing our Lord, being His child, and being loved and comforted by His presence. Amen! Praise the Lord!

Recovery?

The past couple of days have outright sucked. I found out a close "friend" has apparently been lying to me about something for quite some time, and as of this moment, probably doesn't even know I know. Well, here's your wakeup call.

One thing I can say is that the Lord has given me an extra helping of grace these days. It's hard enough to be away from folks during the holidays, but to add this in, too....

Well hey, at least the truth is now obvious. Or semi-obvious. Or maybe I just don't care about it anymore (rather...don't want to).


Father, thank you for the grace I've experienced the past few days. I'd go crazy if it weren't for you.

Things to watch!

Fried Lice? Fliced Rise? Fried Rice? No...Chinese espionage

God Hates Fags? You gotta be bloody kidding me. This is disgusting.

Ninja BBQ?
Just in case I depressed you with the other stuff!

WoDs

Thursday:

Jackie
1000m row
50 thrusters, 45lbs
30 pullups

I have no idea how long it took, but it was a stress relief workout. I wasn't planning on working out because there were things on my "to do" list (for once!). I also didn't eat right for having a high intensity workout, either.

Today:

Perscribed:
As many round in 20 minutes of:
10 pullups
7 handstand pushups
Rope Climb, 15 ft
7 ring dips

What I did:
5 pullups
4 95lb military press (tried 3 the first time and realized I could do more reps)
6 towel pullups (downgraded to four after round...three, I think)
5 dips

7 rounds in precisely 20 minutes.

That's really frustrating. Since I've held the most recent position at work, I've watched my fitness dwindle away to nothing. Used to be only four people (maybe five, if there was a lot of running) on base could beat me in a WoD, and two of those have already completed Phase 1 of a special ops pipeline ( and the other two are awaiting the pipeline!). Now it's anybody's game. I don't like that. I don't like that at all!

Oh well. God's will be done, not mine.

Whew

Today has been traumatic in some ways, and just lovely in others...through it all I think the only thing keeping me alive is the grace of God. Thank you so much, Lord...thank you.

WoD-a-Lot

Today:
I forgot the shoes that I always lift in (and aren't about to do deads in my $89 Brooks!) so I substituted.

Three rounds for time:
Run, 800m
50 sit-ups
50 back extensions

I have no idea how long it took, but I'm guess no more than 20 minutes. I averaged a 2:45 for the runs and the cals are really what got me.

Yesterday:
"Cindy"

As many rounds in 20 minutes of the following:
5 pull-ups
10 push-ups
15 squats

I was really surprised on this one. My goal going in was 20 rounds, one per minute. After four rounds I realized THAT wasn't going to happen! My weakness wasn't pull-ups, either, it was push ups! Sheesh!

I got 10 rounds total in 15-16 minutes, appx one round per minute with a minute rest between each round in rounds 7-10. After that I stopped and did the following:

Five rounds, alternate which exercise goes first:
5 sit ups, unassisted
5 scullies, four count
10 flutter kicks, four count

Day before yesterday:

This day I was tired from work but very, very emotionally charged, so I decided to go for a run. I've no idea how long it took, or how far it was (I'm thinking about 3-4 miles at the most) but it was interesting...I got to run through a field, some "woods" that were really just a part of a park, and of course along the road. After that I did a few pull-ups, sit-ups and push-ups, "Cindy" fashion but probably no more than three or four rounds.

If you have dry eyes after viewing this, I don't want to be your friend anymore. Thank you to all the veterans out in harm's way this holiday season...

Wodish

Yesterday:

As many in 20 minutes of:
400m run
pull-ups, max effort

I did six rounds. I MAY have been able to squeeze in another, or more likely half of another, but wasn't really interested...I'd run a 6 min mile pace the whole time (granted, it WAS on a treadmill) and was happy with that.

Today is an impromptu rest day...I don't need the stress of another interval day yet and duties will prevent a good workout tomorrow. I may go for a run or swim or something, I don't know. It just depends on how I'm feeling afterwards.

My legs are getting re-aquainted with the pounding associated with running, so after I can do...uh...three or four miles at a steady 7:00-7:30 on the T-mill I'll switch to solely trail/track running.

Fun fun fun!

Saturday was a blast.

A couple of friends and I went to Falls Creek, a Baptist youth camp about an hour south of OKC. Since it's the middle of winter there weren't any kiddos running around; we pretty much had it to ourselves.

The two friends went for fishing and some hiking. I went for hiking and climbing. Within about three minutes of getting there I had my MacPac on and was cruisin down the road toward a beautiful little spot I'd seen from the drive down...it had some cliffs and boulders, so I was SET!

After arriving I rummaged around the hill until a likely spot to ascend appeared. It wasn't actually a climb, more like class 3 terrain to scramble over (Holly correct me if that's the wrong terminology please!). The view from the top was fantastic! I could see down the valley both ways and was ecstatic to be there. Eventually I remembered that heaven came after death (and briefly considered hurrying the process!) and went down. I took a different route back and ran across the prettiest set of falls I've seen to date. The falls were rock and I think some ancient concrete that was eroded down, and thus looked like rock. (You'd think concrete would make it worse, but in this case, it didn't! Really!)

Soooo....yeah...below the falls were a few huge boulders sticking up out of the water. Of course I had to jump on them, and shortly found myself surrounded by six to eight foot pools of crystal clear beauty. Gorgeous! After looking around I saw a perfect route to climb and decided to go for it. I still had my pack on and didn't have any pro, so it had to be relatively easy, and it was. Climbing it was kinda fun though!

My buddy and I decided to go for a hike later on, too. We were probably gone a good three to four hours, and I enjoyed every minute of it! There were a few places I had to tear my eyes away from the walls around us...aye de mi...it would have been so much FUN! :) I don't regret not climbing though considering I'd probably have killed myself. Heh. Clumsy + freeclimbing...uh, no thanks, that's a casualty waiting to happen.

WoD

For time:
50 Thrusters
50 Push-Press
50 Dumbell Swings, 30lb
1000m row
1 mile run
1 mile bike

Time: 38 minutes

I shot myself in the foot with the run - started to quickly and had to break it up into several efforts. Everything else went like I expected it to, though.

WoDishness

Today:

Today was also squadron PT. People are slowly getting used to the idea of short and intense vs long and slow. One guy has been injured, but the doc (military I'm assuming) said it was his shoes. Okay...let me get this straight...we aren't running more than 1/4 to 1/2 a mile TOTAL, but his shoes are messing him up? Yeah...way to go doc...anyway, here it is:

CONOPS: Do exercise, run to other side of court, do exercise, run back, do exercise, etc.

Pushups x 10
run
Pushups x 10
run
Pushups x 10
run
Pushups x 10
run
brief rest

back raises, same as above, reps of 5
dips, same as above, reps of 5

Push press, reps of 10, run there and back, do exercise, weight for me was 45lbs
run
Push press
run
Push press

Thruster, same as above, reps of five

Superman, one time, 15 seconds each side
Planche, 20 seconds

Scullies and flutter kicks, three sets, reps in 5 and 10 respectively

Yesterday:
Run, 2 miles (too embarrased about the time to post it!!)
Swim, only a 150 yards though since I ran out of time...but I did get a good workout running through the 'woods' during my survival refresher training.

Tuesday:

Similar to squadron PT, it was a test run...glad I did the test since it nearly killed my legs. I had fewer upper body/total body exercises and more leg work. Good lesson learned...if it's to hard for me, I can't inflict it on other people!

Where's McCarthy when you need him?

Check out this CRAP.

I own a magon. No really. His name is Charles.

Struggles

I used to have a home
A place I started from
A place to call my own

But bright lights and late nights
the devil took me on a midnight ride
and left me out in the desert on my own

And now,
I feel alone
I need a hand to help me find my way back home....

--Drifter, by Decemberadio

It's been a bad week. I've been sick (again!) and haven't been able to work out at all. That makes three workouts last week, none this week, and I'm going to try to force myself to not do anything until Monday.

I've also had zilch in the way of fellowship. That makes it worse by far. I'm getting bloody tired of people saying "Yeah, we should get together sometime," and then when I call or message via the net, there's either no response or it's "Uh, no, I can't go tonight/tomorrow/any other day of the week." I mean, come on, if you don't want to hang out at least do me the favor of growing some cojones and say no. Don't leave me hanging and wondering if I did something wrong, or trying to fight off the insecurities that rise every time it happens.

I'm fighting as hard as I can to remember God's grace and to try and see myself as He does. I'm fighting to let my value rest in His grace and not what others do/say, but it's hard when it happens every time I meet someone new. I'm truly grateful for the friends He's given me and I wish we could spend more time together, or weren't separated by 1,500 miles, or whatever.

I almost decided to leave the Church last week. Not just the congregation I'm attending but the idea of church altogether. If there's no fellowship, what's the point?

WoDout

Jackie
For Time:
1000m row
50 thrusters, 45lbs
30 pullups

It took around 20 minutes. I expected it to be about that, but was trying to get a little quicker, say around 15. Just the row was 3:56, it was the pull-ups that killed me. I didn't push too hard on the thrusters because the workout on Friday had a lot of interval-type leg work. Afterwards I played around in the pool a bit.

Thoughts are wandering....

Workout

Sure can't call it a bloody WoD! Apparently being ill has effected me more than I thought!

Kelly
X5 Rounds for time:
400m run
30 box jump
30 wall-ball, 20lbs

I did four rounds in 35 minutes with a 12lb ball. Craaaapola. The box jumps were fine, and the intervals weren't bad considering it was on a treadmill. (Bleh).
After that I did some swimming intervals...nothing heavy or too intense, almost like playing in the water as much as anything else.

Lord, please give me one whole month that work, illness, injury, or life in general does not interfere with getting back into shape...please? Just one?

Mugshots

When GeoCities decides that I've no longer exceeded my data transfer limit, here are some pics of squadron PT. There's also a picture of my handsome face (gag) since a few of ya'll have been asking to see me for a while. (Hey...you got what you asked for.... :P).

Values? Questions?

Yesterday I was whining about my life to a friend and she pretty much stopped me cold with "Dude, put away the streamers and stop your pity party." Hahahah...that's precisely what I needed to hear. Thanks! There's also a song on another friend's myspace profile that is haunting...it asks all the questions that I'm to afraid to face on a daily basis, and is challenging every time I hear it.

Since the song and the conversation (and honestly, on and off now for a while), I've been thinking about what my values are. Where does my heart lay? Where are my thoughts centered? Where is my focus? What ARE my desires, anyway?

There are four things that are at the top of the list. I can't really say that one is higher than another since they cycle in and out a lot. Oh, and I'm not whining this time...ha...just wondering, thinking out loud if you will. After three days I've managed to keep down a bagel, and I feel way to good to whine. Much. :P

God. I guess this question is obvious. Every believer is going to think it. Recently (as in, recent memory, past few months) most of my thoughts have been on judgement. I catch myself feeling like crap for not being able to either not sin, or not integrate myself into a church, or whatever. There has been very little consideration of grace and peace the past few months. I've also noticed that somewhere I stopped obeying out of joy and started obeying out of a sense of obligation, and grudgingly.

People. How can I better serve the people around me? It's easy when you're involved with a church 'ministry' of some sort, but I'm not, and it doesn't appear likely that I will be soon. How can I treat people with grace and humility, and not the arrogance that has come out lately? Hmmm. How do I trust? When do I trust? Who do I trust?

Passions. Where are my true desires? Which ones do I pursue first? For about seven years my burning passion was to serve in a church...and honestly, it's more like an ember now. I've discovered an honest and just as intense desire for other things as well. Fitness (primarily helping other people achieve it), writing, and if I cross-train I'm sure my new job would compete, at least for a while. Doing justice for evil and protecting the innocent are in here, too...but there is a trap in that, and that trap is desire to do violence.

Women. Ha. I've ranted enough here that there isn't anything else I need to say, I think.

Divine Intervention?

Earlier today I was looking for some Scripture to read. I still don't have a devotional guide or anything...I've been constantly disappointed in those recently.

So, I prayed and asked the Lord to give me something simple - something that won't hurt my head with heavy theologies but would still bring me closer to him. I'm struggling a little bit with reading right now, and not just the Bible...I've got a headahce, my stomach hurts, and I'm tired, but not nearly tired enough to go to sleep.

The first thing I clicked on was this:

The words of Agur son of Jakeh. The oracle. The man declares, I am weary, O God; I am weary, O God, and worn out.

-Prov 30:1

Ha. Imagine that. I read the rest of it, too. Thank you, Father!

Ewwww....

Wow, the past couple of days have really been crappy!

At around 10 o'clock Sunday I night I started a four-hour bout with vomiting and diarrhea. Eww. Near the end I was retching so hard I couldn't support myself afterwards. At about two or so I called Katie and asked her to take me to the hospital, and she did. I certainly wasn't about to try and drive myself there, that's for sure.

When we got there, the waiting room was almost empty. They got me a room shortly after arriving. The nurse showed up, did the initial exam, and I waited around to vomit again...afterwards she hooked me up to the IV and I sat there to wait for the doc. As she was going through this she apologized for nearly every time she had to touch me. I thought it was kinda funny, but was also grateful for her consideration. Normally I would have been a little...uh...agitated...because I don't normally like to be touched unless it's someone I trust. By that point I was to far gone to care.

Then the doc showed up. She was cuuuute! Hahah. I had complained about severe abdominal pain (mostly from the retching), so she had to lift up my shirt and poke my belly and back a few times to make sure it wasn't appendicitis or kidney stones or anything of that sort. She didn't apologize for it either...which is probably a good thing, since I nearly told her she could poke me all she wanted. Ha! After that I was shot up full of drugs and didn't remember the next few hours. Poor Katie was there the WHOLE time...trying to sleep in a freezing cold lobby. Why are lobbies always so stinkin' cold?

So, after a while I woke up and the doc came back to give me the results. Which, in short, were no results. They couldn't identify what it was other than a possible food poisoning or infection. Why do I always get the unnamed, unidentified illnesses, anyway?

After she left the nurse came back and shot me full of Loritab and some antibiotics. She told me I needed to start changing again pretty soon because it would knock me out pretty quick. Hahaha!!! I should have changed first. When she left, I started changing in the room...and the door was open!! I heard somebody walk by and realized what the heck I was doing. It was HILARIOUS!!! :P

After that the nurse wheeled me out to the guardian angel on duty and she drove me home. I remember rambling something about Gatorade and 7-Eleven, and maybe a few other things, but that's about it. As soon as I hit the sack I was OUT.

Well, that's my adventure for the weekend. How was yours?

Some thoughts....

I very nearly fell asleep in church today! Ru-roh...perhaps it would have been better to go to the late service, I don't know. Sometime during the course of the sermon I thought I heard Psalm 4 mentioned, but it's not the same Psalm 4 I remember hearing about. So. I figured, eh, what the heck, I need to get in the Word a bit and since this Psalm is short (and I currently have the attention span of a three-year old), maybe this will do! All notes are from various commentaries and maybe a few thoughts that occured to me while studying.

Psa 4:1-8
To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments. A Psalm of David. Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer! O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame? How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? Selah. But know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD hears when I call to him. Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah. Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the LORD. There are many who say, "Who will show us some good? Lift up the light of your face upon us, O LORD!" You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.


Psalm 4:1-8
(1) To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments. A Psalm of David. Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!
One commentary suggested that this Psalm was written in conjunction with Absalom's rebellion, but the other did not.
David addresses himself to God. Answer ("Hear" in KJV) = anaw in Hebrew, by implication means "respond." Righteousness = tsedeq, means right (naturally, morally or legally), also equity or prosperity if taken abstractly or figureatively. (I'm not quite sure how to take Hebrew in an abstract sense...so take that with a grain of salt!)
Something interesting to note...if you read carefully, you'll see that David acknowledges that God answers prayers out of his mercy (Be gracious) and not our merits (God of my righteousness).

(2) O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame? How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? Selah.
Wow...I feel your pain, buddy. This reminds me of work.
In the KJV, 'honor' is rendered 'glory.' Glory, at least in this case, is written 'kabod kabod'in Hebrew. I don't know why kabod is repeated twice, but that's how it's written, so that's how I'm going to write it. Kabod kabod is "properly" defined as 'weight,' and when in a good sense, can be figurately taken as 'splendor' or copiousness.' The opposite is 'kelimmah': disgrace, confusion, dishonor, shame. Love is rendered 'ahab aheb': to have affection for, sexually or otherwise. This fascinates me...was a word to describe physical affection used to describe the love these men had for vanity and lies? It was that strong? Or am I taking this out of context? Also, 'vain words'is rendered as 'vanity,'and is defined as emptiness. Huh. They love emptiness and deceit that much? Well I guess so. In the KJV 'seek after lies' is rendered 'seek after leasing.' In this case 'seek after' means specifically in worship or prayer. Of course leasing means falsehood and untruth. So, they were worshipping idols, or perhaps they just have such a strong love of deceit and vanity that it became a form of self worship?

(3) But know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD hears when I call to him.
VERY interesting verse...hmmmmm.....
Know = 'yada', properly, to ascertain by seeing. There appear to be about a zillion other uses for this word, too. LORD = An indication of the Name of God, given to Moses by God himself. Rendered here as all capitals to denote a difference between LORD and Adonai (which is as much title as name). Set apart = palah: Distinguish, (literally or figuratively), also put a difference, show marvellous, seperate, set apart, sever, make wonderfully. Godly = chasiyd, or pious. Hear = shama: hear intellgently. (Listens?) So, the LORD sets apart the Godly for himself, hears their prayers, and it is obvious to those who see it.

(4) Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah.
Angry = ragaz; literally, to quiver (with any violent emotion). Ponder in your own hearts is 'commune with your heart' in the KJV. Commune is 'amar'. Amar is say, as in say to your heart.

Got to go for now, I'll finish later if possible.

Uncle Rhabdo

Okay, so instead of EDITING the last post, I got lazy and decided I'd rather just make a new one. :)

Total time 3:40:00

Half Marathon Row: 2:00:22

JT + Cals:
40 mins (ish)
I actually got eight handstand pushups. :) Not nearly as many as I used to be able to do but better than none. After I couldn't do those anymore I used 135, 105 and 95 lb barbells to do a one rep push-press or military press (whichever one felt the safest at the time). All dips were assisted.

Total
Swim 500 yards (not meters, my mistake): About 15 minutes or so. I did it in 100 and then 150 yard intervals.
Longest distance: 35ish yards
Two assisted (walls of pool) mask recovery cycles.

As I was transitioning to the underwater portion, I met a new friend. He's about eight years old and had a ball trying to race me down the pool as I did the underwater portion. I'll admit that I had fun, too. :) I thought about ignoring him and pressing on (since it was going to hurt my time), but eh, what the heck, people are more important anyway.

I did have another chance to review the idea that I am really wanting a family of my own. Up until now I've never actually thought about it, to be honest - finding a girl that would put up with me seemed challenging enough. Over the past few months God has revealed to me that women are his business, not mine, and that I'm better off just waiting for His will. As hard as that seems to be, I'm trying, and now the whole "family" idea has to be added to the list, too. That's not as hard though, at least not yet.

I just pray that He gives me the faith and patience to wait on Him and not do something eternally foolish. Adios!

Goals for today.....

SOOO....here are my WoD goals today. I'll edit the post with a time to completion for each and for the total when they are completed.

Half-marathon distance row (21000 or so meters, I'll post it when I figure it out!)

JT
For Time:
21-15-9
Handstand Push-Ups
Ring Dips (no rings, so just dips)
Push-Ups

Five rounds to completion:
10 Flutter Kicks, four count
10 Scullies

Fin Swim, 500m

Underwater distance, four times, longest distance

Two complete mask recovery cycles (recover, don, replace, no assistance from side of pools if possible)

REST!!!!

Prayers.... :)

WoDerful

Today:

Run, about .70 miles

60 pullups
60 dips
One jumping muscle-up

I didn't even bother trying the entire 120 pull-ups and dips. Ha. Nope. Not at this stage. I did almost learn how to kip, though, and had a few other "cheater" versions of both pull-ups and dips.

The run was more to test the waters than anything else. I realized last week that my legs are completely deconditioned to running anything longer that 400m. Funny - I can run multiple 1:30 400's with dumbbell snatches in between, but not three miles nonstop at any speed. Huh.

WoDaholic

Today:

Thruster, 3-2-2-2-1-1-1-1-1

95, 105, 115, 125, 135, 145, 155, 165, 155

Maxed out at 165, I did the squat for 175 and couldn't get the bar above my head. Considering this is the first time I've lifted anything more than about 45lbs (or body weight) I was mostly pleased. Certainly not the best I've done, but much better than what I expected to be able to do.

After that I decided to 1RM on back squats. Got up to 265 and literally could not get back out of the squat position...hahaha...I'm lucky nothing broke. I fell forward inside the squat cage and the safety rack caught the bar. I'm pretty sure that I've never been so thankful for being short in my life!! Being a little taller would have snapped my spine and rolled it up like a window shade.

After that was form practice for cleans, overhead squat and standing military press (45lb bar).

I noticed the all-knowing hooligans at the gym replaced the perfectly functional squat-rack with this HUGE monstrosity made by Hammer Strength. How stupid!! Sheesh. This thing is literally NINE FEET tall and looks like it could withstand being hit by a Mack truck. It's not adjustable either...you need tools to lower or raise the bar rack that you lift from. The friggin pull-up station (can't call it a bar) has more handles than Isaac Asimov's imagination and is completely useless because it is nine feet off the ground. Even the super-sized steps that are supposed to assist leave at least two-three feet for me to jump before I can use the bars.
I mean seriously, who is going to need a device like this? I've seen ONE, as in UNO, guy that literally squatted 700lb+ for REPS...but who in this area is going to need something that looks like it can withstand 2,000lbs or more? We don't even have barbells that are rated for that kind of weight!
Personally, I think it's the "little man" syndrome on a convoluted scale. No matter how big you are, when you step inside this cage, you automatically see that everything is over sized and huge. Way to play your customer's psyche, Hammer Strength. Sheesh.

Strong - Sad

Today's WoD was modified from The Seal Quest, which was modified from...you guessed it...Crossfit!

Three rounds for time:
800m run
10 pull-ups
20-push-ups
30 squats

After the WoD I did some swimming. Nothing serious, just playing around more than anything. I ended up doing underwater fin swims for endurance (37 yards total) and one mask recovery cycle (everything on the bottom, packed up - retrieved it, put it on, put it back on the bottom).

I saw a family in the pool, too - husband, wife and son. The son was cute as a button, he couldn't have been more than five or six and was just learning to swim. I watched a little bit and realized that I very much want a son to raise. I almost dove headlong into the pool of depression but realized that if I was supposed to have a family, there would be one...right now God has called me elsewhere. My prayer is that I desire the things He desires, and that I reject the things He rejects, and that He forms me to be in the likeness of His will.

Adios.

MechWoD

Today I realized just how much I'm out of friggin shape. OMW...got to get pushing. At the bottom of the pool today I decided I'd do a type of "triathalon" type thing.

500 yard swim
3 miles run
2000m row

It took me nearly 60 bloody minutes. During the run I had to stop to walk at least four times. Not because my circulatory system was overtaxed, but because my legs were stiff. Like, rock-stinkin-hard stiff. Near-injury stiff. Poop! I can run multiple 1:30 intervals but I can't run three miles straight? Sheesh.
I'm not TOO worried about it though...in a month of steady running (like, one or two miles a day) I'll be able to go on for a good long while. Just gotta get those legs used to the pounding.

On a better note, I saw something VERY encouraging today. As I finished my harvest grain and nut pancakes (YUM! And without syrup, thank you KT!), I saw an elderly guy with his daughter leaving. Coming through the door was another elderly lady using a walker. The guy actually held the door for her! And waited until she got through it! I haven't seen that for ages. Way to go!

WoDaholic

Today's WoD was the same that I gave to the squadron for PT.

10 Jumping Jacks (four count)
10 Dive Bomber Push-ups
10 Jumping Jacks
10 Dive Bombers
10 Jumping Jacks
5 Rotating Pushups (eight count)
10 Jumping Jacks
5 Rotating Pushups

Superman, two sets, 5? and 10? seconds respectively

Butt Kicks, 30 sec
Squat Jumps, 30 sec
Butt Kicks, 30 sec
Squat Jumps, 30 sec
High Knees, 30 sec
Calf Walk, 10 steps (about 15-20 second before everybody was done)
High Knees, 30 sec
Calf Walk, 10 steps (ditto)

Plank, 30 seconds

Scullies X5
Flutter Kicks X10, four count
Crunches, 20 sec
Scullies X3
Flutter Kicks X10, four count
Crunches, 20 sec

Burpees, 3 mins for reps

Overhead squat (without weight, just the movement), holding the pose for 10/15/20 seconds.

Somebody told me today that I'd probably be nominated for PT Leader of the Quarter Award. I was suprised by that. It almost made me angry...I've been a PT leader for a total of THREE PT sessions and I'm that great? Yeah. I'm sure. I can think of at least one other person that deserves that award infinitley more than I do, but because I'm the one that everybody sees during PT, it's me that is thought about. That is POOP I tell you, POOP. If I have a choice, I'm turning it down. Being nominated for doing my job three times??? Uh, no. Give it to somebody that deserves it.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

Or lack thereof.

Whew, I really need a break. Not because I've been working so hard (even though the past three weeks have been pretty busy at work), I'm just spent.
This semester of school started back in August, and I ended up having to drop or withdrawl from both classes. I've been 'out-of-pocket' four times since then, not to mention the every other day schedule of other duties. Earlier this week I'd decided enough was enough and gave up the ghost on schooling for this semester.

The past couple of weeks have also been one emotional roller coaster after another. The new-found volunteer work left me sick and weeping the first night, but after that, eager to see the tasks ahead completed. I hope to enjoy the fruits of this labor soon, but it won't be soon enough, no matter how quickly that time arrives. Work has been suprisingly easy despite the crap that normally happens...God has given me an extra measure of grace, I suppose. (Thanks for your prayers!! :})

Devotionals and quiet times are sucking right now, big time. I bought a Bible study guide...uh...last week I think. The second lesson mentioned "the eons necessary for the Creation to take effect" and I slammed it shut in disgust. Haven't had the inclination to search for another one.

Church attendance sucks, too. There are still a few issues I'm dealing with that threaten to wreck my faith, and this is one of them. Sitting through a sermon has hardly ever interested me when I'm perfectly capable of buying (and using) the same commentaries the pastor uses. I've struggled with that ever since being a Christian, now that I think about it. There's just a little bit of pride there, I'm sure, and frustration, too. The thing I miss is the "church" of fellowship. A friend invited me over to her house a couple of weeks ago and it was a great time - practically the first time in months that I'd been able to do something like that.

That's pretty much it for now. I've been up since 0330 and I'm pooped. Out.

WoDish

Today:

Five rounds for time:
500m row
30 thrusters, 45lbs
10 GHD sit-ups
5 pull-ups

Yesterday was rest.

I have no bloody idea what I did before that but there were at least two days of workouts. Ha.

Man Rules

G'day!

I've noticed a serious trend the past couple of days. Males I'm around seem to not be following the established man-rules for society, so I'm going to post them for a review.

Man-Space:
At least one seat seperation required in all circumstances when males are involved. If no seperation is possible, complain about it or wiggle defensively like a hen trying to settle down on her nest. No references to hens allowed while complaining. If females are involved, more than one seat away is a no-no.

Urinals:
Okay buddy...look up or down, that's it. There are FIFTEEN bloody urinals in here and just TWO of us...what the crap?!?

Observe the man-space...no middle-man ops, either.

Nakedness:
Dude, seriously, if you're naked in the locker room I AM NOT going to have a conversation with you. Just forget about it. Nu-uh. If you sit next to me, expect to get hit in the face. Hard. Like with a rock or something.

Hugs:
Okay, this one is easy. Male-male hugs are ok as long as it is the man-hug - one around around, patting back; the other grasps hand in front. Anything else is out.

Women:
Dude, seriously. Hey, I KNOW I'm a hot commodity...you apparently aren't aware that she is, so if you aren't going to treat her like it then I'll be more than happy to. Comprende? Good!

Food:
If you can't pronounce the name of the dish, it's date food or you've made it yourself. No exceptions!
Chips will be served with man-dip (unless a lady is invovled), which consists of A) cheese, meat and salsa or B) peppers so hot you can't taste the cheese, meat and salsa.

Dancing:
Dancing is permissible if it is with a lady or (for a limited amount) for practice.

Cleaning:
Clean, dry, and functional, those are allowed (necessary really). Spending all Saturday afternoon scrubbing the kitchen floor while wearing yellow gloves and a hairpiece...uh, NO.

Shoes:
One for running, one for lifting, one for climbing, one for every day and one for special occasions. Duplicates are allowed as long as a testosterone analysis is completed at a registered testing facility and the results are clearly posted in the immediate vicinity of the shoes. If your shoes are hung on the closet door in a cute little space-saver, there's no need to complete the test since the results are probably erroneous (or maybe not).

Clothes:
Okay, this is a subject of much contention. Here it is in a simplified version: Fashionable clothes are allowed for the same reason that peacocks have feathers, comprende? (ref: Women) If the word 'cute' is used, you have an immediate no-go. Period.

Shopping:
You will go to the store, buy what you need, leave. In that order. Spending more than five minutes deciding on a shirt or trying on more than one pair of anything (other than shoes, see above) is considered inappropriate behavior and will be noted.

Weaponry:
You WILL own one piece of semi-lethal or lethal (preferred) weaponry as soon as legally and financially allowable. If it is a firearm, you WILL stockpile ammunition. If it is a bladed weapon, you WILL NOT play with it in the house (or around small animals). If it is a blunt object, you WILL practice bludgeoning techniques (or cutting things, if it's a blade). Though practicing on friends does provide a moving target, it is NOT recommended.

Quiet gentleness is not to be confused with docile femnicity. I can still bash your face in. Remember that. :)

WoDerful!

For time:

1000m row
40 db swings, 30lbs
30 push-press, 45lbs
20 pullups
30 push-press
40 db swings
1000m row

Changing Perspectives

I've been blessed to lead squadron PT a couple of times now, and have noticed a few interesting things.
Of course any PT session I lead is going to be very Crossfittish...none of this "Up, one, up, two," crap. Nu-uh. I've sent out the PT plan to the squadron so nobody gets blindsided by the workouts. (I'm trying to be nice!) Apparently the first time I sent it out people were talking about it for days...thinking I'm crazy or something. In truth, our incredibly hard working and very good-looking UFPM did have to reign me in a couple of times...I can't help getting excited though!!
Some people are genuinely interested. It's totally new to them and they like being fit, so it's an eye-opening experience. Other people could care less. The truly funny, and frustrating, are the ones that see something different and immediately cry "Safety!! That's dangerous!!" Like today, doing an equivalent to box jumps...someone complained about safety. It's a stupid box jump. You jump on the platform. You jump off the platform. How hard is it? Anyway. My ramblings are done for now! Adios.

Today's WoD:
5 rounds
Swim one length, 10 sit-ups, unassisted
Swim one length, 10 push-ups

BEWARE.
You know who you are...you don't know me. I know what you do. I see you in your vivid imaginations, I see your perversions spilling the blood of innocents. I will wait for you...you, the predator; and now you, the prey. My prey. When you are found, you are mine; God will grant you mercy, I will not. You are warned.
BEWARE.

WoDilicious

Today:
1000m row
45 thrusters, 45lbs
30 pull-ups
--otherwise known as "Jackie," slightly modified

Friday:
Five rounds for time of:
500m row
10 push-ups
10 sit-ups, unassisted
5 pull-ups
15 flutter kicks, four count

Wednesday:
"Fran," modified
21-15-9
Thrusters, 75lbs
Pull-ups

I've just barely been able to have a "maintain" workout schedule. I'm certainly not gaining much ground, but hey, life does exist outside the gym. Usually. I either didn't time or completely forgot to time them all, but I did burn through as hard and fast as possible.

Decompression

My God, it has been one traumatic weekend.

I encountered sin yesterday that left me dry heaving and seriously pissed off. It wasn't my sin. Oh no. Not mine at all.

After everything was said and done, I was sitting at Denny's trying to eat something and do a Bible study, but it wasn't going well until I almost wept right there in the middle of a restaurant. After that I realized that I needed to focus and so I could finish the study and the food, and did so, and just barely managed to keep my food down. Just barely.

Good Lord...what a life changing experience. I am forever changed.

Just some thoughts!

So, what role should faith play in politics?

I've been thinking on this for a few weeks. Haven't really gone into depth on it, it's one of those things that crosses my mind as I'm sitting on the Concept 2 with nothing to do but try and ignore the fact that I can hardly breath.

I do think it's worth more consideration than I've given it, though. I know that for a lot of things "conservative," the answers are pretty clear. Things like abortion and drug use are no-brainers, there are Scriptures to back them up. What about things like firearm control, parental rights, the War on Terror, etc.?

I guess what a person believes about the power of the government depends on what you believe about 1) What Scripture says about governing bodies, and 2) The purpose of a governing body. I'm not trying to set specific answers as much as a concept.

Scripture? There is a lot. In Genesis, God says "Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image." Man's punishment for shedding blood is death...by the hand of man.

Romans says:
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience.
(Rom 13:1-5)

So, the hand that slays the murderer is appointed by God to be there, slaying the murderer. Well, that's a comforting thought for folks in the military.

In other OT books, God deals out punishment directly, with no intermediary...which would seem to put lie to the two previous verses. I think (emphasize: think) that there were specific reasons. One, no one was committing a man-to-man type of sin. When this type of discipline is meted out (that I remember), the commands that were broken dealt specifically with how the people interacted with and obeyed the Presence. So, the previously established chain of command (Tribal leaders, Aaron/Levites, Moses, God) was skipped and the offenders held directly accountable to Him. A couple of times this didn't happen (like when Moses ground up the calf and made everybody drink it), but I think I'm accurate for the most part.

Notice that when the people rejected the Lord as their ultimate earthly authority, things slightly changed. Only slightly. Now the King was in power (but, ironically, all the kings that were of any use did what the Lord said to do). So then we find various men and women meting out punishment in the name of the Most High. Not so different in concept than before, because there were still elders (and basically anyone zealous for the Lord) to consider. People were often still instruments used to judge and punish evildoers.

What about today? We have no theocracy and America is most decidedly NOT a Christian nation. I think Paul answers it...nothing has really changed, except we have made more efficient ways to sin. So, governments exist to judge and punish evildoers.

We are told to pay our debts (to the ruling authorities) and love each other (each other being defined as everybody). I'm glad he wrote that in right after talking about destroying evil people. It'd be so easy to say "Well, I'm a part of the government, so I can now kill/punish people that sin." Uh, no. Individually speaking, that's not the way it is. We are called to pay our dues and love our neighbor. If there's any bloodletting to do, it is the responsibility of our judicial system and federal government (and the people that work in it) to do so.

What about the War on Terror? Hmmm...who thinks bin-Laden deserves to be punished? What about Hussein? Those things are easy (as long as you aren't afraid to see the truth). What about people in the government that use their authority for selfish gain (say, Bill Clinton)? What about people in authority that use the influence of office to avoid punishment (Kennedy)?

This is what I believe: Regardless of what people do, whether their actions be good, pleasant, inconvenient or just plain evil, our job is to love them. (Insert sermon about it being true love and not fake.) Our job is to serve them. Ultimately, it's not going to matter if I (or you, or the next guy, or whatever) never get to enact vengeance on a dirty politician for taking all of our money, or for betraying our country (certainly isn't his anymore), or whatever. They may be hurting us, but they are breaking God's commandments, not ours. He's the one that will take care of it when someone lies, cheats, steals, murders, etc. Doesn't mean we are excused from defending the defenseless or from standing up for what is right; just that in the end, judgement is His job. Not ours.

Wasted...

...is how I feel.

Today:

x4 underwaters, warmup
X2 50 m swim
X1 200m swim
Bobbing
At this point there were two people to each lane of the pool and I was tired of swallowing that nasty water. It almost made me puke each time a mouthfull went down.

Row, 10,000m, 50:22. Five minute break at 5,000m.

X5 sets of 5 pullups, assisted
X2 sets of dips, assisted
Okay, okay, yeah, I know...I'm using a machine. Whaddya know, your feet must be cold cause it's all frozen over down there. Seriously, I tried it and it works better for improving dead hang pull-ups than most anything else I've seen. So there!

Form practice for deadlifts, clean (only once though), and military press.

X4 reps of:
10 four count scullies
10 sit-ups, unassisted

After that I did some things on the dip bars (like leg lifts and parrallete sits). Didn't do a lot though. Just playing around at this point.

WoDsome!

Yesterday:

(Two Rounds for time)
Run, appx 250m
Mini-hurdles
Urchins (reach down and touch the little thingy)
Clap Pushup x3
Burpees x5
Pushups x10
Diamond Pushups X5
KB carry, 20 feet
Medicine Ball twist X5
Bench Jump X 20

It was a designated easy day, so I did that to test the circuit for PT today. Today at PT I did the same thing except replaced clap push-ups with wheelbarrow walk (and rotating pushups the next time around), did a water jug carry with my teammate, and did a medicine ball toss instead of twist.
It was so cold outside both days that by the time I was done I was just getting warm enough to really hit it. Oh well. It's nice to have a break every now and then. Everyone who attended PT did a really great job of it, too! :)

Later in the afternoon:

For Time:
2000m Row (8:22)
50 Glute-Ham sit-ups
x10 pushups, x5 pull-ups three rounds
Total time: 20:22ish.

For the first time since I got sick, I finally managed a 1000m row at an average split time of 2:00. Before I was sick, anything more than two minutes (unless it's the fourth or fifth time in a high-intensity WoD) would a bad day. I'm getting there.

MOTIVATED!!!

"Hey-bop-a-loo-bop SEAL Team baby,

I joined up for this town, people think I crazy,

I came here to be one frog-man stud,

Now all I'm doing is dropping in the mud!

Here's the rest of it.

Picture from Strategypage, as always.

*sigh*

I'm so bored right now that I'd almost be happy to go back to work. These long weekends are killing me.

Workouts

Haven't been faithful posting the WoD's the past couple of days.

Today:
For time:
1000m Row
30 pull-ups

I have no idea how long it took. Don't really care. The row was 3:57, ten seconds longer than the last time I raced to 1000m, but that is to be expected I guess. The pullups were horrible...I've gone from 14+ dead hang, military standard to four struggling attempts. Gotta get that back up soon!
I also did some water confidence stuff as a cool down.

Yesterday:
X4 underwaters
Swim, 1 length, with 10 squats at the end.
Swim back with 10 pushups at the end.
Five rounds, for time. I have no idea how long it took, but I worked hard and fast, and got it done.
X4 underwaters, with some mask retreival, bobbing and treading water

Basics

WoD today:

Five rounds of:
X10 pushups, normal
X10 situps, unassisted
X10 flutter kicks, four count
X10 air squats

Appx 3 mile run immediately following.

I was going to work out this afternoon too, thinking that the morning time was just to wake me up and get me going, but it didn't turn out that way. I'm more fatigued than I should have been considering rest and diet, so I'm thinking it's accumulated from the rowing and the WoD's yesterday.

Funny thing is, I didn't really make up my mind about not working out until I already received permission from work to go to the gym. Sooo...I went to the gym...and sat in the hot tub!!! Yeah!! Now I'm all relaxed and ready for squadron PT in the morning. I'm assuming it's going to be a run, given the location we are supposed to meet. I'm seriously, seriously considering skipping the PT session altogether and doing "my own thing," but I am a PT leader now and everything, so there isn't much choice. Integrity. Sheesh. Pah. Poop!

I'm really depressed right now. My issues with God have been much better for the past few days, I'm just lonely. Not for a girlfriend, either; I'd settle for some good time with friends, to tell you the truth.

I forgot about church tonight (what a dufus!). Now I'm on the south side of town and I'm refusing to drive 45 minutes to go to church. That's just silly. Going on Wednesdays is usually more painful than any other time, anyway...it reminds me of the Wednesdays of the past, the ones full of screaming kids, worship, ministry and friends. It's really hard to not think of the things that aren't there anymore when it's so stinkin' in-my-face-lonely. *sigh*

PT! AUOORAH!!!

G'day, once again....

So, now I'm officially a PT leader. It's kinda frightening...the things I want people to learn to do can hurt them and I'm going to feel responsible. Well, honestly, they'll only hurt a person if that person is STUPID, but there are plenty of those people out there. (Note: Ignorant = Lacking Knowledge, Stupid = Refusing Knowledge.)

Here's a sample of what I'm thinking about for the squadron PT if there are (few) enough people. There's a circuit out by the golf course that is pretty neat. I go through it occasionally if I didn't get to drink enough Kool-Aid during the WoD. There's other stuff added to it here, too.

Balance beam, square
Ladder to use for wall-ball type exercise
balance beam, round
Pull-up
Jump to swing
Jump for height
Parallette Bars
Modified Yanda Sit-ups
Jumping Muscle-ups
Monkey bars (can be used to do leg raises, too!! Yummy!)
Water-Jug carry, 20 yards
Team Pick-up - Something Big (Don't know what yet!!)
Burpees, pushups or situps between stations

WoDilicious!

What was prescribed:

For time:
20 inch Box jump, 50 reps
Rope climb, 5 ascents
1.5 pood Kettlebell swing, 50 reps
50 sit-ups
40 pound dumbbell Hang power clean, 50 reps
800 meter Run
50 Back extensions

What I did:
Water Confidence stuff, about 30 minutes
Underwater fins
Mask retrieval
equipment drag and retrieval

Box jumps on a bench, 50 reps
5- pullups, assisted
30 lb kb swing, 50 reps
50 situps, unassisted
45 lb bar HPC, 15 reps
800m run
3 back extensions

Didn't bother to keep time. This is the first true Crossfit I've attempted in a looong time so I kept it simple and relatively easy, and I'm still wiped out.

WoD today:

20,195 meter row. THAT'S A HALF MARATHON, BABY!!! YEAH!!

WoD's

Today was the first "high-intensity" type WoD in a while. It was fun!!

Morning:

Slow warm-up today:

Snorkeling, back and forth a couple times
X4 underwaters

WaterWoD:
(Insert something else here, don't remember what though!!)
My intention was to swim underwater one length, get out of the pool and do 20 squats with the snorkel and mask, swim partly underwater back and do 15 four-count flutter kicks on the other side, repeat five times. I only got three reps before it was time for the mandatory 'safety break.'

Afternoon:
X4 500m rows, avg 2:00 per row
X100 air-ball (wall-ball with no wall!), 12 pound ball
10 sec hold, 10 rest, 9 hold, 9 rest, 8 hold, vomit...just kidding...of parallete holds.

Realizing

Last night I had an epiphany. It's going to sound obvious when I say it, but for some reason it never occurred to me before.

I've been struggling a lot lately with God. It feels like He has abandoned me to live in this world without His presence. I've begged for a mentor and home church for two years and for the most part have only had heartache and solitude in return. There's a church I'm going to now that may qualify (yah!) but we'll see. It's full of great people, now I think it's just a matter of willpower on my part.

This no mentor thing has killed my faith and my walk with Christ. I've been angry at God because he knows that I want someone to mentor me for His sake, so that it's a little easier to do the right thing in this world, whatever that "right thing" might be at the time. I'm angry because I feel like I'm missing out on things (like purity, service, and sacrifice) that I could be experiencing if there was just someone to help, someone to keep me accountable. Yeah, selfish I know; but really, what follower of Christ doesn't want these things?

So last night I realized that all I need is God. Haha. Imagine that.

I'd been thinking about the past four or five years. I realized that at some point I've given up everything there was to give. I've given all my money away because He wanted me to. I've given my friends up (as a result of doing his will, not by direct command or anything) I've given family up (ditto). I started thinking about what else there is to give, what else there is to lose, and realized that I still had my body and my life.

You know, if I knew that's what it would take to know Christ's presence every day without fail, I'd give those up in a heartbeat. I don't care anymore. All I need, all I want, all I crave is His presence. That's it. Everything else is moot. The thing is, He isn't granting it. I'm desperately trying to hold on to the promises in Scripture concerning perseverance and pursuing Him. In all honesty, I never thought I'd be able to sacrifice the use of my body for His sake until now. I thought I'd go crazy if I couldn't use it the way it's designed to be used. I'm not hoping he takes it away, but now I'd pay the price willingly if that's what it takes.

There have been angry moments in the past few weeks that I've felt dangerously close to totally rejecting Christ and completely abandoning the faith. I just can't do it. Really, the only reason I'm angry is because I'm hurt. I've been ignored by friends, family, teachers, co-workers, but never by God before, and even though I know He has a reason, that doesn't mean it doesn't bloody HURT for crying out loud!

Perseverance. Patience. Faith. Hope. Love. I know they exist, especially the last one, but I am so far from them it seems impossible to return. *sigh*

The Practice of the Presence of God
Brother Lawrence's
Conversations and Letters
CONVERSATIONS
Introduction: At the time of de Beaufort's interviews, Brother Lawrence was in his late fifties. Joseph de Beaufort later commented that the crippled brother, who was then in charge of the upkeep of over one hundred pairs of sandals, was "rough in appearance but gentle in grace".
First Conversation: The first time I saw Brother Lawrence was upon the 3rd of August, 1666. He told me that God had done him a singular favor in his conversion at the age of eighteen. During that winter, upon seeing a tree stripped of its leaves and considering that within a little time the leaves would be renewed and after that the flowers and fruit appear, Brother Lawrence received a high view of the Providence and Power of God which has never since been effaced from his soul. This view had perfectly set him loose from the world and kindled in him such a love for God, that he could not tell whether it had increased in the forty years that he had lived since.
Brother Lawrence said he had been footman to M. Fieubert, the treasurer, and that he was a great awkward fellow who broke everything. He finally decided to enter a monastery thinking that he would there be made to smart for his awkwardness and the faults he should commit, and so he should sacrifice his life with its pleasures to God. But Brother Lawrence said that God had disappointed him because he met with nothing but satisfaction in that state.
Brother Lawrence related that we should establish ourselves in a sense of God's Presence by continually conversing with Him. It was a shameful thing to quit His conversation to think of trifles and fooleries. We should feed and nourish our souls with high notions of God which would yield us great joy in being devoted to Him.
He said we ought to quicken and enliven our faith. It was lamentable we had so little. Instead of taking faith for the rule of their conduct, men amused themselves with trivial devotions which changed daily. He said that faith was sufficient to bring us to a high degree of perfection. We ought to give ourselves up to God with regard both to things temporal and spiritual and seek our satisfaction only in the fulfilling of His will. Whether God led us by suffering or by consolation all would be equal to a soul truly resigned.
He said we need fidelity in those drynesses, or insensibilities and irksomenesses in prayer by which God tries our love to Him; that then was the time for us to make good and effectual acts of resignation, whereof one alone would oftentimes very much promote our spiritual advancement.
He said that as far as the miseries and sins he heard of daily in the world, he was so far from wondering at them, that, on the contrary, he was surprised there were not more considering the malice sinners were capable of. For his part, he prayed for them. But knowing that God could remedy the mischief they did when He pleased, he gave himself no further trouble.

Brother Lawrence said to arrive at such resignation as God requires, we should watch attentively over all the passions which mingle in spiritual things as well as those of a grosser nature. God would give light concerning those passions to those who truly desire to serve Him.
At the end of this first conversation Brother Lawrence said that if my purpose for the visit was to sincerely discuss how to serve God, I might come to him as often as I pleased and without any fear of being troublesome. If this was not the case, then I ought visit him no more.
Second Conversation: Brother Lawrence told me he had always been governed by love, without selfish views. Since he resolved to make the love of God the end of all his actions, he had found reasons to be well satisfied with his method. He was pleased when he could take up a straw from the ground for the love of God, seeking Him only, and nothing else, not even His gifts.
He said he had been long troubled in mind from a certain belief that he should be damned. All the men in the world could not have persuaded him to the contrary. This trouble of mind had lasted four years during which time he had suffered much.
Finally he reasoned: I did not engage in a religious life but for the love of God. I have endeavored to act only for Him. Whatever becomes of me, whether I be lost or saved, I will always continue to act purely for the love of God. I shall have this good at least that till death I shall have done all that is in me to love Him. From that time on Brother Lawrence lived his life in perfect liberty and continual joy. He placed his sins between himself and God to tell Him that he did not deserve His favors yet God still continued to bestow them in abundance.
Brother Lawrence said that in order to form a habit of conversing with God continually and referring all we do to Him, we must at first apply to Him with some diligence. Then, after a little care, we should find His love inwardly excite us to it without any difficulty.
He expected after the pleasant days God had given him, he should have his turn of pain and suffering. Yet he was not uneasy about it. Knowing that since he could do nothing of himself, God would not fail to give him the strength to bear them.
When an occasion of practicing some virtue was offered, he addressed himself to God saying, "Lord, I cannot do this unless Thou enablest me". And then he received strength more than sufficient. When he had failed in his duty, he only confessed his fault saying to God, "I shall never do otherwise, if You leave me to myself. It is You who must hinder my falling and mend what is amiss." Then, after this, he gave himself no further uneasiness about it.
Brother Lawrence said we ought to act with God in the greatest simplicity, speaking to Him frankly and plainly, and imploring His assistance in our affairs just as they happen. God never failed to grant it, as Brother Lawrence had often experienced.
He said he had been lately sent into Burgundy to buy the provision of wine for the community. This was a very unwelcome task for him because he had no turn for business and because he was lame and could not go about the boat but by rolling himself over the casks. Yet he gave himself no uneasiness about it, nor about the purchase of the wine. He said to God, it was His business he was about, and that he afterwards found it very well performed. He mentioned he had been sent into Auvergne the year before upon the same account. He could not tell how the matter passed except that it proved very well.
So, likewise, in his business in the kitchen (to which he had naturally a great aversion), having accustomed himself to do everything there for the love of God and asking for His grace to do his work well, he had found everything easy during the fifteen years that he had been employed there. He was very well pleased with the post he was now in. Yet he was as ready to quit that as the former, since he was always pleasing God in every condition, by doing little things for His love. With him the set times of prayer were not different from other times. He retired to pray according to the directions of his superior, but he did not want such retirement nor ask for it because his greatest business did not divert him from God.
Since he knew his obligation to love God in all things, and as he endeavored so to do, he had no need of a director to advise him, but he greatly needed a confessor to absolve him. He said he was very sensible of his faults but not discouraged by them. He confessed them to God and made no excuses. When he had so done, he peaceably resumed his usual practice of love and adoration.
In his trouble of mind, Brother Lawrence had consulted nobody. Knowing only by the light of faith that God was present, he contented himself with directing all his actions to Him. He did everything with a desire to please Him and let what would come of it.
He said that useless thoughts spoil all -that the mischief began there. We ought to reject them as soon as we perceived their impertinence and return to our communion with God. In the beginning he had often passed his time appointed for prayer in rejecting wandering thoughts and falling right back into them. He could never regulate his devotion by certain methods as some do. Nevertheless, at first he had meditated for some time, but afterwards that went off in a manner that he could give no account of. Brother Lawrence emphasized that all bodily mortifications and other exercises are useless unless they serve to arrive at the union with God by love. He had well considered this. He found that the shortest way to go straight to God was by a continual exercise of love and doing all things for His sake.
He noted that there was a great difference between the acts of the intellect and those of the will. Acts of the intellect were comparatively of little value. Acts of the will were all important. Our only business was to love and delight ourselves in God. All possible kinds of mortification, if they were void of the love of God, could not efface a single sin. Instead, we ought, without anxiety, to expect the pardon of our sins from the blood of Jesus Christ only endeavoring to love Him with all our hearts. And he noted that God seemed to have granted the greatest favors to the greatest sinners as more signal monuments of His mercy.
Brother Lawrence said the greatest pains or pleasures of this world were not to be compared with what he had experienced of both kinds in a spiritual state. As a result he feared nothing, desiring only one thing of God - that he might not offend Him. He said he carried no guilt. "When I fail in my duty, I readily acknowledge it, saying, I am used to do so. I shall never do otherwise if I am left to myself. If I fail not, then I give God thanks acknowledging that it comes from Him."
Third Conversation: Brother Lawrence told me that the foundation of the spiritual life in him had been a high notion and esteem of God in faith. When he had once well established his faith he had no other care but to reject every other thought so he might perform all his actions for the love of God. He said when sometimes he had not thought of God for a good while he did not disquiet himself for it. Having acknowledged his wretchedness to God, he simply returned to Him with so much the greater trust in Him.
He said the trust we put in God honors Him much and draws down great graces. Also, that it was impossible not only that God should deceive but that He should long let a soul suffer which is perfectly resigned to Him and resolved to endure everything for His sake.
Brother Lawrence often experienced the ready succors of Divine Grace. And because of his experience of grace, when he had business to do, he did not think of it beforehand. When it was time to do it, he found in God, as in a clear mirror, all that was fit for him to do. When outward business diverted him a little from the thought of God a fresh remembrance coming from God invested his soul and so inflamed and transported him that it was difficult for him to contain himself. He said he was more united to God in his outward employments than when he left them for devotion in retirement.
Brother Lawrence said that the worst that could happen to him was to lose that sense of God which he had enjoyed so long. Yet the goodness of God assured him He would not forsake him utterly and that He would give him strength to bear whatever evil He permitted to happen to him. Brother Lawrence, therefore, said he feared nothing. He had no occasion to consult with anybody about his state. In the past, when he had attempted to do it, he had always come away more perplexed. Since Brother Lawrence was ready to lay down his life for the love of God, he had no apprehension of danger.
He said that perfect resignation to God was a sure way to heaven, a way in which we have always sufficient light for our conduct. In the beginning of the spiritual life we ought to be faithful in doing our duty and denying ourselves and then, after a time, unspeakable pleasures followed. In difficulties we need only have recourse to Jesus Christ and beg His grace with which everything became easy.
Brother Lawrence said that many do not advance in the Christian progress because they stick in penances and particular exercises while they neglect the love of God which is the end. This appeared plainly by their works and was the reason why we see so little solid virtue. He said there needed neither art nor science for going to God, but only a heart resolutely determined to apply itself to nothing but Him and to love Him only.
Fourth Conversation: Brother Lawrence spoke with great openness of heart concerning his manner of going to God whereof some part is related already. He told me that all consists in one hearty renunciation of everything which we are sensible does not lead to God. We might accustom ourselves to a continual conversation with Him with freedom and in simplicity. We need only to recognize God intimately present with us and address ourselves to Him every moment. We need to beg His assistance for knowing His will in things doubtful and for rightly performing those which we plainly see He requires of us, offering them to Him before we do them, and giving Him thanks when we have completed them.
In our conversation with God we should also engage in praising, adoring, and loving him incessantly for His infinite goodness and perfection. Without being discouraged on account of our sins, we should pray for His grace with a perfect confidence, as relying upon the infinite merits of our Lord. Brother Lawrence said that God never failed offering us His grace at each action. It never failed except when Brother Lawrence's thoughts had wandered from a sense of God's Presence, or he forgot to ask His assistance. He said that God always gave us light in our doubts, when we had no other design but to please Him.
Our sanctification did not depend upon changing our works. Instead, it depended on doing that for God's sake which we commonly do for our own. He thought it was lamentable to see how many people mistook the means for the end, addicting themselves to certain works which they performed very imperfectly by reason of their human or selfish regards. The most excellent method he had found for going to God was that of doing our common business without any view of pleasing men but purely for the love of God.
Brother Lawrence felt it was a great delusion to think that the times of prayer ought to differ from other times. We are as strictly obliged to adhere to God by action in the time of action, as by prayer in its season. His own prayer was nothing else but a sense of the presence of God, his soul being at that time insensible to everything but Divine Love. When the appointed times of prayer were past, he found no difference, because he still continued with God, praising and blessing Him with all his might. Thus he passed his life in continual joy. Yet he hoped that God would give him somewhat to suffer when he grew stronger.
Brother Lawrence said we ought, once for all, heartily to put our whole trust in God, and make a total surrender of ourselves to Him, secure that He would not deceive us. We ought not weary of doing little things for the love of God, Who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed. We should not wonder if, in the beginning, we often failed in our endeavors, but that at last we should gain a habit which will naturally produce its acts in us without our care and to our exceeding great delight.
The whole substance of religion was faith, hope, and charity. In the practice of these we become united to the will of God. Everything else is indifferent and to be used as a means that we may arrive at our end and then be swallowed up by faith and charity. All things are possible to him who believes. They are less difficult to him who hopes. They are more easy to him who loves, and still more easy to him who perseveres in the practice of these three virtues. The end we ought to propose to ourselves is to become, in this life, the most perfect worshippers of God we can possibly be, and as we hope to be through all eternity.
Brother Lawrence said when we enter upon the spiritual we should consider and examine to the bottom what we are. We, then, would find ourselves worthy of all contempt and subject to all kinds of misery, and numberless accidents, which trouble us and cause perpetual vicissitudes in our health, in our humors, in our internal and external dispositions. Alas, we are persons whom God would humble by many pains and labors as well within as without.
After this, we should not wonder that troubles, temptations, oppositions, and contradictions happen to us from men. We ought, on the contrary, to submit ourselves to them and bear them as long as God pleases as things highly advantageous to us. The greater perfection a soul aspires after, the more dependent it is upon Divine Grace.
Being questioned by one of his own community (to whom he was obliged to open himself) by what means he had attained such an habitual sense of God, Brother Lawrence told him that, since his first coming to the monastery, he had considered God as the end of all his thoughts and desires, as the mark to which they should tend, and in which they should terminate.
He noted that in the beginning of his novitiate he spent the hours appointed for private prayer in thinking of God so as to convince his mind and impress deeply upon his heart the Divine existence. He did this by devout sentiments and submission to the lights of faith, rather than by studied reasonings and elaborate meditations. By this short and sure method he exercised himself in the knowledge and love of God, resolving to use his utmost endeavor to live in a continual sense of His Presence, and, if possible, never to forget Him more.
When he had thus, in prayer, filled his mind with great sentiments of that Infinite Being, he went to his work appointed in the kitchen (for he was then cook for the community). There having first considered severally the things his office required, and when and how each thing was to be done, he spent all the intervals of his time, both before and after his work, in prayer.
When he began his business, he said to God with a filial trust in Him, "O my God, since Thou art with me, and I must now, in obedience to Thy commands, apply my mind to these outward things, I beseech Thee to grant me the grace to continue in Thy Presence; and to this end do Thou prosper me with Thy assistance. Receive all my works, and possess all my affections." As he proceeded in his work, he continued his familiar conversation with his Maker, imploring His grace, and offering to Him all his actions.
When he had finished, he examined himself how he had discharged his duty. If he found well, he returned thanks to God. If otherwise, he asked pardon and, without being discouraged, he set his mind right again. He then continued his exercise of the presence of God as if he had never deviated from it. "Thus," said he, "by rising after my falls, and by frequently renewed acts of faith and love, I am come to a state wherein it would be as difficult for me not to think of God as it was at first to accustom myself to it."
As Brother Lawrence had found such an advantage in walking in the presence of God, it was natural for him to recommend it earnestly to others. More strikingly, his example was a stronger inducement than any arguments he could propose. His very countenance was edifying with such a sweet and calm devotion appearing that he could not but affect the beholders.
It was observed, that in the greatest hurry of business in the kitchen, he still preserved his recollection and heavenly-mindedness. He was never hasty nor loitering, but did each thing in its season with an even uninterrupted composure and tranquillity of spirit. "The time of business," said he, "does not with me differ from the time of prayer. In the noise and clutter of my kitchen, while several persons are at the same time calling for different things, I possess God in as great tranquillity as if I were upon my knees at the Blessed Supper."

Today's WoD (s):

Morning:
Run (more of a jog, actually) about 1.80 miles

Afternoon:
X4 underwaters
X4 50 yards
X2 100 yards
X2 200 yards

Mask clearing and retrieval, maybe four or five times.

Tomorrow a friend of mine is hosting a meeting for our squadron PT leaders. I'm excited! I finally get a chance to help people without worrying about all the politics invovled with volunteering in the USAF!!! Yah!!! I'm kinda nervous though, too...the people I'm helping are counting on me, and I don't reap the consequences of my failure as much as they will. Yikes!

I'm so excited!! Yeah!! Over the past year or so God has revealed to me that I have a passion for fitness and for helping people achieve and maintain it. It's so exciting! Anyway, I'll stop rambling and let you go do something productive. Adios!

Danny

Yeah

Yesterday's WoD:

Morning:
.90 ish miles warmup run
X4 300m intervals (straight line in apartement complex is not completely 400m long)

Afternoon:

2.15 mile run, untimed

Today is

*sigh*

Had some major realizations today. I'm grateful the Lord has given me a few answers to some very, very important questions, and am now running down the path I think has been set. There are a lot of things that still hurt and make me angry...but...a little bit of hope has been restored for now.

Somehow I've managed to injure the tendons around my elbows. Crap. I can hardly extend them completely, and it hurts when I try. Oh well. Rest and ice...rest and ice...and more time to waste without getting any stronger. At least I can swim a little bit, that doesn't hurt nearly at all.

Today's WoD:

x4 underwaters
X2 50 yards
x2 100 yards
x1 200 yards, then time for "safety break" at the Y.

TTYL.

Oswald Chambers for today

"We have all experienced times of exaltation on the mountain, when we have seen things from God’s perspective and have wanted to stay there. But God will never allow us to stay there. The true test of our spiritual life is in exhibiting the power to descend from the mountain. If we only have the power to go up, something is wrong. It is a wonderful thing to be on the mountain with God, but a person only gets there so that he may later go down and lift up the demon-possessed people in the valley (see Mark 9:14-18 ). We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life— those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength. Yet our spiritual selfishness always wants repeated moments on the mountain. We feel that we could talk and live like perfect angels, if we could only stay on the mountaintop. Those times of exaltation are exceptional and they have their meaning in our life with God, but we must beware to prevent our spiritual selfishness from wanting to make them the only time."

Father, grant me the grace to live victoriously in the valleys...not only to walk with you, but to help others along the way.

"We are inclined to think that everything that happens is to be turned into useful teaching. In actual fact, it is to be turned into something even better than teaching, namely, character. The mountaintop is not meant to teach us anything, it is meant to make us something. There is a terrible trap in always asking, "What’s the use of this experience?" We can never measure spiritual matters in that way. The moments on the mountaintop are rare moments, and they are meant for something in God’s purpose."

Lord, keep me from the selfishness that so often is my downfall...help me to obey You even when I don't understand. Mold me to be the shape of your desire. Amen.

Movement

Welcome the second post today....

I've been thinking about movement a lot lately. Not specific actions per se, but certainly purposeful movements. Doesn't make any sense? Examples: Swimming, running, WoDing, dance, climbing and martial arts.

I've been thinking about how easy it is to get lost in the moving. Hmmm...it's like getting lost in a book to the point that you forget you are reading a story. The words on the page, and maybe the page as well, vanish; they are replaced by the lives and experiences of the characters as they play out before you. During purposeful movement the author, character and plot are the same.

Climbing is a lot like that. It's just you, the rock and whatever sparse pro that has been set paired with dynamic, explosive movements that are aching to be released. Flow is important for travel...one must be like a river moving over the rock as you caress the cracks, crannies and smooth places while gaining altitude. Wasted movement becomes an obscenity, made almost sacrilegious. Then, the rock becomes an altar. On the altar is poured a drink of devotion and determination to figure it out and do it right. Penance is paid with sweat and blood. There is no purgatory - sin often enough and death is the result. At least it's most often instant death, if you're high enough. There are other ways to describe it, but I'll wait awhile to suggest them....

Martial arts often carries a very, very different perspective. The art of violence is something an unfortunate (and sometimes fortunate) few seem to understand.

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell. Take that where you will.

It's not always about violence though; there is a certain beauty in seeing the katas performed with the grace of perfection, especially when one is able to understand and appreciate the sacrifice offered to achieve perfection. The same beauty carries the imminent threat of one so graceful...perfection is perfection, whether it is displayed via demonstration or on the ancient battlefield.


Movement. It does a body good. I'm done rambling. CYA!

WoDtastic, once again!

G'day mates....

It's been a while since I've posted a workout. Sorry about that. About a month ago I got sick and nearly put myself in the hospital after I decided to just "push through it," and have had short-notice stuff at work ever since then.

For the past two-three weeks I've mostly been doing swimming (finning, to be technically correct).

Today's WoD:

Warmup:
Two trips down the pool (25 yards) with fins, underwater, didn't make it all the way the second time. Sidestroke most of the way back.
10 or so minutes of snorkeling fun. Wasn't really that challenging. Just getting the blood flowing, ya'know? Things like swim to the deep end, dive to the bottom, do a somersault, swim back. It varied every trip just so I didn't get bored.

Mental Games (I know some of you are wondering why I'm trying to stretch my already abused head):
I've got a little pack that came with my snorkeling set (mask, snorkel, fins). So, I put a camp shovel in there for some weight (used it before for other stuff), ran a rope through it and drug it to the deep end. There, separated the rope and tied three knots in it. Then I separated the bag and snorkel and rope by about three-five feet and swam back. The object was to swim sidestroke to the drop off, dive under, put on the snorkel, untie the rope and drag the bag back. I did that a couple or three times.

WoD:
Working on conditioning right now because of the long break.

Tabata JOY:
20 sec work/10 sec rest continuous:
Pullups
Pushups
Situps
Squats

Back to the pool after that:

Mask retrieval and clearing for a couple or three trips down.

Bobbing. I FINALLY figured out how to bob without hitting the water at an awkward angle every time I go down. I realized that my back arches at the top (which causes a change in my center of gravity and results in a semi-somersault when I sink again). I started looking at the ceiling at the top of the bob and that seems to fix it. Though I'm pretty confident with bobbing, doing it after the WoD added a new dimension. I'm sure doing it all tied up will be different, too. I'd try it but I'm afraid the lifeguards will freak out...they get so nervous about me they come and stand wherever I'm working. Seriously! Poor gals.

For some reason a snorkeling mask (mainly the nose cup) completely wigs me out. Underwater is not that bad...can't breathe there anyway. The first time I swam with it underwater and tried to breathe on the surface I nearly lost it. Being underwater isn't bad, but trying to suck air through a sealed mask is certainly an adaptation I'm having to learn to deal with. When I started bobbing with it on I had to start from the very beginning again...going to one bob, then two, then three, and so on and so forth.

After this, it was time to go.

XXXChurch, fighting the battle

Here's a radio interview between the pastor of XXXChurch and a radio host.

Thinking about GIRLS today!!! :P

I saw a lady once, all dressed up and pretty for a public outing. I think it was church. She was modestly dressed, as any follower of Christ would be, but she was still very pretty.
I saw the lady again some time after that. She was wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt. Was she pretty? Uh, well, that's not the word I would use. What words would I use? Ravishing. Drop-dead gorgeous. Stunning. Outlandishly beautiful.

As I realized I was thinking those words when I saw her, it occurred to me once again what kind of differences there are between males and females. Most girls won't go out without doing their hair, or coordinating clothes and shoes, or putting on makeup. This girl was dressed very simply and yet carried such an exquisite example of feminine beauty that I could hardly take my eyes off her. Seriously. I had to leave just to stop.

Why is it women think they have to hide themselves to be beautiful? In my limited experience insecurity plays a big part in it, but maybe there are more reasons. Most women just don't seem to realize that they are the most beautiful when they have the least idea that any guy would look twice at them. Seriously.

With a gentle and loving heart, makeup just hides the Glory. I say Glory with a capital G - the beauty that is present is solely from the Lord. Perhaps it is only in the eyes of her beloved that she seems to be able to recognize the difference His glory brings to her beauty, but it is there.

I saw two girls at Starbucks once. They were dressed like they should be grinding in a club downtown and had the audacity to talk about church. The only reason I'd ever go to a church like that is to witness to people. As much as their clothing revealed, they had very, very little beauty. I wanted to get them a gift card to Goodwill so they could learn the beauty of humility. Sheesh.

Whatever. My rants are done for now. For all the ladies that dress modestly and are concerned about their brothers in Christ, THANK YOU. You'll probably never know how much we really appreciate it.