Psycho-something worship

I'm sitting here listening to Chris Tomlin sing "Sing with me how great, how great, is our God..." and a thought crossed my mind.

I know that sometimes there are worship songs that just get my heart thumping. It crosses all genres and styles and I think the core of this music is baisically Christ-centered (that is, Jesus is the point of the song, whether I'm singing to him or about him).

Then there is what I call "Happy Jesus Music." It's basically what you listen to when you're trying to honor God with what you listen to but aren't looking for any more than that. An example is some of the silly Christian rappers I've heard. It's good the music is out there, but that's about all it really is - out there.

Then, there is what I call "Deep Worship," a phrase taken from C.S. Lewis's idea of "Deep Heaven," from The Great Divorce. This is the music that carries the trappings of the first category, but is so much more. There is one distinct flavor to this type of music that sets it apart from anything else - God shows up, and His presence can be felt in a deep and powerful way.

After a while of deep worship, I just want to die. Really. I know that if I died right now, I could be praising in deep worship for eternity. As I look around this world I see just how much this world is not "deep," in the sense that it is so far from what was in the original creation. A longing that I rarely feel in such intensity awakens and I immediately get depressed.

Oh well. I guess this is the shallow end of the pool, anyway, and everyone's got to learn to swim way over there in the deep end.

Danny

Long day

Morning. Or evening. Or something.

Sorry about the delay on the worksheet. I've been stubborn and caught up in work, video games, books, music, and the cutest (prettiest) girl (woman) in the world (universe, actually). She's such a Jesus freak. Prov 31 to the core.

Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my past lately. I've realized how much of it (especially the bad parts) really effects how I live my life these days. All the hurts that I thought I forgot about are actually just hiding beneath the surface of my consciousness waiting for an opportune time to rear their ugly heads and smack me in the face with my incompetence.

Enter Jesus. I had actually forgotten to be asking for healing in all of these areas. I think I've spent the past two years so scared of God not answering my prayers that I've been afraid to ask. Well, no more. Time to stomp the devil.

Danny

Some notes

G'day.
Here are some notes from my studies. Most should seem pretty obvious, but I'm paranoid about missing something, so there they are.

TULIP
-Man is sinful by nature, he does not seek after God, he loves the darkness and hates light – therefore he is unable to respond to the Gospel.
Romans 3:10-18
--baisically saying no one is seeking after God -- does not imply he cannot seek after God
Romans 8:7-8
--those who are in flesh, specifically 'sarx phronema,' or carnally minded(Strong's 4561 and 5427), do not please God because they cannot please God
--within the context of the 1-9 Paul also says that those people who have the Spirit of God are living in the Spirit, not the flesh
Psalm 14:1-3/53:1-3
--taken with verse four, not sure if this selection is talking literaly about no one, or no one but the people of Israel.
Skip Col, same results
2 Cor 4:4
--looks like Paul is saying the enemy has blinded the understanding (minds) of unbelievers to keep them from understanding the Gospel

Finally

G'day.

Well, the big rush is over for now. Looks like it's back to boring paperwork and such for the rest of the time I'm in the squadron.

Here's the first story:

I woke up at 0600ish a few days ago, tired and groggy and hating the fact that I had to go to work. I'd been staying up late talking and writing with a friend and reading, and when I couldn't sleep, playing a video game. So I was pretty out of it. I went into the bathroom and realized with a sense of utter terror that there was no soap. I had flown the day before, so there really was no option as to whether or not I had to take a shower.
I thought, and thought, and thought, and finally inspiration struck! Dawn! I ran to the kitchen sink, got the Dawn and washed away. It felt so good I thought about doing it again the next day but realized how weird that was, so I didn't. I did notice this pleasant and distinct orange odor follow me around till the end of the day, though!

More to follow....

Ooops

Sorry about not blogging so much. Between cute girls, loads to do at work and no sleep whatsoever, I'm not all here at the moment. Will catch you up with a funny story hopefully this weekend.

Danny

I was doing some research for the TULIP worksheet the other day and came across something that made my eyes water a bit.
One of the verses I was looking up was Romans 2:29 ( But a Jew is one inwardly, and circumcision is a matter of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter. His praise is not from man but from God. --ESV ). I was reading this to get a good context of Romans 3:10-18.

I’ve got this computer program called E-Sword that gave me a free copy of Strong’s Dictionary. I used this to look up the word ‘praise’ from the verse. The idea that God my Creator would praise me is unreal, to say the least, and I was curious. Here’s what Strong’s said:
G1868
ἔπαινος
epainos
ep'-ahee-nos
From G1909 and the base of G134; laudation; concretely a commendable thing: - praise.

Well, not being able to understand the word laudation, I looked it up using the Microsoft Works dictionary. Here’s what it said:

laud·a·tion [law dáysh’n]
(plural laud·a·tions)
n
praise: great praise and acclaim, often in the form of a eulogy (formal)

Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

This is incredible. Jehovah-tsidkenu himself will sing my eulogy. Absolutely incredible.

My Johari's Window

We covered this in ALS, so when I saw it on a friend's website I couldn't do it quick enough.

Feel free to add to it here:

http://kevan.org/johari?name=boangeres

For real this time.Taken from strategypage, as usual.
It's a security team in Irag being attacked by a sniper. There is a TACP that calls for air support.

Killing people and breaking their crap...sort of

She is Beautiful

What a woman.

Just the sight of her sets my heart pounding. There is no one else in the world that I would rather be with, and no one I want by my side more than her. Her exquisite beauty outshines the sun when it peeks over the eastern mountains. Her smile drives my nightmares away and her tears set angels to weeping. Her love soothes and caresses my heart during the long cold seasons and her joy is abundant always. As we make eye contact, all of my eloquent words disappear and I am driven into silence.

I do not know your name, my love, but you are on my heart tonight. Stay safe. I am praying for you always.

Daniel

Good grief.

The past couple of days have been extremely disappointing, mainly because of some of the things I find myself doing. Grace is sweet sometimes, especially when you forget how much you need it.

Danny

Overhead Not

Good evening.

I had a funny happen yesterday. After my workout I was practicing form with a 95lb overhead squat. I tried to lift the bar above my head, but it got to just over eye level and stopped. After a moment I realized that bar wasn't going anywhere and I had to let it come back down. I wondered how dumb I looked by not being able to get it, but then realized that only about five other people I know would be willing to try that anyway. (Can you see me trying to console myself? What a baby!)
That's how I feel about theology. Most people seem content to let it go and just say "God loves you." I can't. I have to know the details or it drives me crazy. At the same time though, it's so stinkin' confusing that I almost get there and some "minor" detail emerges that blows my mind. Sure, curiosity killed the cat, but why?

Dan

Generalities

G'day.

In a few minutes I'll be looking at Total Depravity. There is a point I have though that comes from a quick observation, and I haven't seen anything yet to discount it. Not that that won't happen, just hasn't yet.

If God determines (as in initiates) everything that happens, why do we sin? Wouldn't it have been better to keep the Garden?

To me, this isn't an issue of God's sovereignty. It's an issue of his character. He's God, of course he can technically do whatever he wants. Is he going to lie, though? No, that's against his nature. Is he going to cause someone to lie? No, according to Jesus, causing someone to sin is punishable as well.

I think this is the deciding factor for me. The only other things I question about Reformed Theology stem from this issue. On to the T.

Danny

Intermission

Thanks for the words, Steve.

I can honestly say that out of my entire life, I've participated in three fasts that have not been purely discipline based. (It took discipline, but that was not the point of it.) One was the breaking of a lot of friendships and I literally could do nothing about it but beg His attention. I felt the prompting of the Spirit to fast, so I did. One was another broken relationship where I didn't want to do anything but see what God wanted for it so I decided to fast. The last was this one. None of these events had timetables, even the first.
I don't know what would have happened had I needed to fly. I just knew I couldn't go without hearing from God and He has blessed this way of seeking His will before, when it really is Him that I'm seeking.
I hadn't realized what I had done by making it an oath, though. Don't know why. I certainly had every intention of fulfilling it (and had plenty of opportunities not to!). I think I will be more careful of my words.

A Field of TULIPs

G'day.

I started looking at the Reformed Theology worksheet today. I think it's important to discuss some things before saying what I'm finding.

ROE's:

The Bible is the final authority on these issues.
How to interpret the Bible is a key issue.
Opinions are not fact, so I will try to limit my opinions.
There's no way I can give this topic the attention it deserves based on my short life experience.

That's it for the moment. I've made it about half-way through the T and have a headache from referencing all the Scriptures, so I'm taking a break.

Danny

G'day.

Back to Reformed Theology. ALS is over and now I can devote some time to it. I'll welcome any inputs anyone has.

Imagine that

Well, the good news is that I didn't have to miss dinner. God was preparing me for this long before it happened. :)

God Bless.

Where do I start?

Good afternoon, all.

Yesterday was something else, that's for sure. ALS is officially finished. Praise God! No, really; these past few weeks have been a life-changing experience, especially last night.

After the graduation ceremony/cleanup, there was a party at a classmate's house. I knew before I went what to expect as far as loud, obscene music and alcohol, but thought it was appropriate to go. It was. As I walked in with my brown paper bag (full of coffee and energy tea), I saw the party was already underway. There were a few people standing around and talking while one guy was so hyper he was dancing. I saw a girl, who is a believer, with a drink in her hand. As the night progressed more people arrived but the basic theme was the same: we were relieved that school is out.

I couldn't help but notice the people. The more I watched, the more I saw broken-heartedness and desperation. The more I watched, the more pain I saw in their actions and eyes. The eyes are always the worst. So much of a person's life can be seen in the eyes, especially when the mind is altered by alcohol and they have no energy to erect emotional barriers. I started thinking about this pain that I saw. I wondered if I was seeing my pain as theirs and was just fooling myself. I prayed and watched and realized that for the most part it wasn't.

I watched the girl who is a believer and had to stop myself from taking the drink away and driving her home. My heart goes out to her in such a way that I cannot describe it. I don't know why. Maybe it's because she's cute and hormones are involved, too, but the point is it does. I had to leave early because I would have eventually done something stupid while trying to protect her from the consequences of her actions.

After that I rented a movie and it was incredible. It brought my thoughts right back to the people I'd left two hours before. I was thinking about everything I'd tried to help them with. I was thinking about our discussions over religion (they weren't much, but for my quiet self, it was better than usual). I was thinking about all the times I'd been selfish or selfless and wondered if anything I did brought them closer to Jesus.

Without permission from me, my mind settled on the fact that almost no one was a follower of Christ, and if they died right then, would be separated from him for eternity. Nearly everyone I just left was doomed to death at that moment.

I wept. For them, for my foolishness in not pursuing them further, and for myself. I wept mostly for them, though. The problems in my life are nothing compared to not having a Lord and Savior. They are nothing compared to not knowing Him. For some reason, that has not taken hold in my heart until now. I've lost touch with what the effects of sin are and with how incredible it is that the King would die for his creation.

So now I'm fasting. I've decided to not eat until I hear from God about this. What do I do? Where do I go? What do I say? How do I say it? Where are my priorities, really? I'm not entirely sure I know what my question is, but I know He has an answer.

I normally don't talk about this stuff, especially the fasting, but I need your prayers. Ask for humility, so I can see me as I am, and have the courage to be changed. Ask for strength and discipline, please! I don't know how long this fast is going to last, and I don't like being hungry. I love food, too!
I already know how to fast, for the most part. I'm taking vitamins and am hydrated, so that's no worry. I just need to hear from him today. Or tomorrow. Or whenever He decides to answer. Thanks!

Danny

Almost there

Tonight is graduation night. As of 0600 tomorrow morning, ALS will officially be OVER!
Hallelujah! I can wear my pajamas to work again! Nine college credit hours in 5 1/2 weeks. About $30,000-$40,000 worth of schooling. That ain't no joke!

I've been giving some prayer and thought to my career. God and I seem to go around and around over this. It would be so much easier if he'd just speak out of the clouds or something, but hey, as stubborn as I am I may not even hear it.
Things I know:
I'm called to ministry.
I'm 'called,' if you will, to writing. I can't say that it's a divine command but writing is a passion for me. I want to use it to bring the Scriptures to life for people.

Things I believe:
God has blessed my ideas of what kind of ministry I should be in. I'd love to be a youth leader/adventure camp worker. Eventually maybe even a church pastor. Who knows?
God will bless my attempts at writing.
The military is a means to an end, for the most part. It provides life lessons, financial aid and training for all of the above. It's not a passion for me.

Things I just don't get:
How to get from 'believing' to 'doing.'
SERE, PJ, CCT, TACP?
All of the above will give me skills and experience, as well as civilian job opportunities, once I'm out of the military.
All of them are physically demanding (some more than others).
All will help prepare for my hopes and dreams. All could set me up for success.

My dream is to re-enlist as a SERE instructor for three years, go to Indoc and be a PJ until retirement. Then school (what would be left of it), then I could support a family and ministry without much concern for money (hopefully).
As best as I can see, the difference between SERE and PJ is medical training and small unit tactics (there are a few others, but not many).
Part of the reason I mention SERE is because I'm just not sure that I'm ready for something like PJ. The big reason that I mention SERE is because one day I was dreaming about Pararescue and out of no where the Holy Spirit spoke to me and asked a question - "Why war?" I didn't have an answer and still don't, other than I want to (personally) bring to justice the people that make a living from killing noncombatants. I also like the rescue aspect, more than anything. SERE will give me everything needed for the outdoor specialist stuff while I'm testing the waters for other stuff.

My biggest problem is water. I love water, but it doesn't love me back. I'm usually not afraid of it, and if I am, I can control it pretty well (now!). I've done the drown-proofing, the underwater swimming and the retrievals, but I just can't seem to get the surface swimming. It terrifies me that I might miss something that God has for my life just because I can't swim. God and I had a discussion last night about this. I talked, He listened. Now I'm trying to listen back but I'm not hearing anything. Speaking of listening, it's time for a Bible study.

By the way, Chuck Norris...never mind. :)

Danny

Dumb Guys

Howdy.

I've been reading a friend's blog and something has set my blood on fire. She said that a family member is more chivalrous than many of the guys she knows. oooooooooooooo dang.

What the heck is going on here? Whatever happened to chivalry? Whatever happened to protecting the innocent, and yes, the women and children?
Sorry, but I don't have a lot of tolerance right now. I'm not actually as fuming and angry as I sound, though if I think about this for very long I will be. I guess the stress of ALS is having it's effect.
It irritates the crap out of me to see guys mistreat a lady. Granted, some women seem to look to deep into politeness and try to find more meaning than there is. I'm not saying to not be careful to not give the wrong impression. (Say that 10 times fast.) I'm talking about the duds that treat her like she's just another item or possession, or that think she's weak and incapable, or are just flat out mean and cruel.
One day I was thinking about what in the world reveals the most to me about God (either directly or indirectly). I was wondering which part of life I should be most thankful for and take extra time to appreciate. It took about five minutes to decide. Women. At the time, I think it was one specific woman, but the point is still there. Ever since then I've had this huge big brother complex that has gotten me into quite a few uncomfortable spots, but hey, it's true.

Anyway, my time is running out. Two more days left, not counting today, and I can breathe freely again (at least until I start swinging the bell). Adios!

Danny

p.s. - Chuck Norris and Mr. T decided to go to a bar one day. After they both walked in, it immediately exploded because the building could not contain the level of awesome that was present. No one was hurt. The umbrella of awesome protected all involved.

TGIF

Wow, it's Friday.

One more week.

Five more tests.

One more uniform inspection (better cut my nose hair just in case).

Almost over. Almost done. Not yet though.

Did you know that, according to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can actually round-house kick you yesterday?