I used to have a home
A place I started from
A place to call my own
But bright lights and late nights
the devil took me on a midnight ride
and left me out in the desert on my own
And now,
I feel alone
I need a hand to help me find my way back home....
--Drifter, by Decemberadio
It's been a bad week. I've been sick (again!) and haven't been able to work out at all. That makes three workouts last week, none this week, and I'm going to try to force myself to not do anything until Monday.
I've also had zilch in the way of fellowship. That makes it worse by far. I'm getting bloody tired of people saying "Yeah, we should get together sometime," and then when I call or message via the net, there's either no response or it's "Uh, no, I can't go tonight/tomorrow/any other day of the week." I mean, come on, if you don't want to hang out at least do me the favor of growing some cojones and say no. Don't leave me hanging and wondering if I did something wrong, or trying to fight off the insecurities that rise every time it happens.
I'm fighting as hard as I can to remember God's grace and to try and see myself as He does. I'm fighting to let my value rest in His grace and not what others do/say, but it's hard when it happens every time I meet someone new. I'm truly grateful for the friends He's given me and I wish we could spend more time together, or weren't separated by 1,500 miles, or whatever.
I almost decided to leave the Church last week. Not just the congregation I'm attending but the idea of church altogether. If there's no fellowship, what's the point?
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...for the wave-walker
6 comments:
The point of Church... without fellowship... well, coming from a Catholic perspective, I can tell you the reason, the point, the joy... :-D
I'm gonna give you a call..
:)
Thanks for the call!
In every gathering you see in the NT, fellowship is a part of it. There is very little, almost nothing, that we can do alone in this world; joy is a part of that.
Jesus Himself reiterates that we can't do anything alone, meaning apart from Him. How are you initiating fellowship with people at your current church? If they aren't initiating with you, maybe you need to take the lead. I find a lot of times as someone new coming into a church I have to grow my own cojones and be bold about meeting and hanging out with people to get to know them. It's always tough.
I'm sorry to hear your struggling. I'll be lifting you up in prayer brother.
Thanks. Well, this time at least, I did. How many times do I look someone in the eyes and see them turn away before I call it quits? Or how many messages do I send with no reply before I call it quits? Maybe I'm just being over critical, I dunno. Just frustrated and slightly pissed off.
Fellowship is definitely very important... hence why I'm living in community right now. Above all, though, we are to lean on Christ; when we feel alone, He will comfort us if we allow Him to.. :)
How many times are we to forgive? 7 times? I tell you, 7 times 7.
That church might not be the right place for you... but don't give up Church, all together. Christ is calling to you... are you listening? :)
I have to agree with Sarah. The church you are attending might not be the place for you. I have been to good churchs before that I didn't fit at. The local church is where everthing God has for us comes from. Stay strong brother.
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