Values? Questions?

Yesterday I was whining about my life to a friend and she pretty much stopped me cold with "Dude, put away the streamers and stop your pity party." Hahahah...that's precisely what I needed to hear. Thanks! There's also a song on another friend's myspace profile that is haunting...it asks all the questions that I'm to afraid to face on a daily basis, and is challenging every time I hear it.

Since the song and the conversation (and honestly, on and off now for a while), I've been thinking about what my values are. Where does my heart lay? Where are my thoughts centered? Where is my focus? What ARE my desires, anyway?

There are four things that are at the top of the list. I can't really say that one is higher than another since they cycle in and out a lot. Oh, and I'm not whining this time...ha...just wondering, thinking out loud if you will. After three days I've managed to keep down a bagel, and I feel way to good to whine. Much. :P

God. I guess this question is obvious. Every believer is going to think it. Recently (as in, recent memory, past few months) most of my thoughts have been on judgement. I catch myself feeling like crap for not being able to either not sin, or not integrate myself into a church, or whatever. There has been very little consideration of grace and peace the past few months. I've also noticed that somewhere I stopped obeying out of joy and started obeying out of a sense of obligation, and grudgingly.

People. How can I better serve the people around me? It's easy when you're involved with a church 'ministry' of some sort, but I'm not, and it doesn't appear likely that I will be soon. How can I treat people with grace and humility, and not the arrogance that has come out lately? Hmmm. How do I trust? When do I trust? Who do I trust?

Passions. Where are my true desires? Which ones do I pursue first? For about seven years my burning passion was to serve in a church...and honestly, it's more like an ember now. I've discovered an honest and just as intense desire for other things as well. Fitness (primarily helping other people achieve it), writing, and if I cross-train I'm sure my new job would compete, at least for a while. Doing justice for evil and protecting the innocent are in here, too...but there is a trap in that, and that trap is desire to do violence.

Women. Ha. I've ranted enough here that there isn't anything else I need to say, I think.