So, I've spent the past month conversing back and forth with some nice Christian girls that have signed on to eHarmony. I did this prayerfully but still don't know why. So far two of the girls I've met have decided I'm not the one for them (after we started writing back and forth) and that's just depressing sometimes.
It's just re-enforcing the idea that either God doesn't want me in a relationship or I don't feel like I should be, I don't know which. It could just be me thinking that way. I mean, for one, I'm not active in a church. That's bad. I have no accountability or discipleship. That's worse. I'm (hopefully) about to cross-train, and am praying about missions to dangerous places...so, not quite the pick of the litter, here, nope!
Eh, whatever. I'm so closed up right now anyway that it's hard to even hope for cross-training, much less a girlfriend.
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There's no Biblical promise that we'll find the right person and marry. I once felt very much like you. Based on my experiences and what I knew about myself and my needs, I came up with my own profile of what I'd need in a wife before I would marry. I used EHarmony to prove she didn't really exist. Well, after dating two others I met through EHarmony, the third one was the charm. We're happily married now.
So, it can work. First, figure out if you really do want to get married and aren't just bowing to family or friend pressure. Marriage is very risky for men now thanks to what our culture has done to women, and thanks to our laws (no fault divorce, alimony, child support for kids that are the products of your wife's affairs).
Also, get into a healthy, well-balanced church.
I wish you well.
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