Nearly here....

Alas, the ninja monkeys have nearly caught up with me. I fear this may be my last post for a while as I seek to evade these highly evolved creatures.
It all started when I pointed out the fallacies of evolution to Dr. Evol during a field trip to the museum. After challenging him to prove my anti-theory of evolution wrong, he promptly hit the "Ninja Monkey" button on his desk. As they slowly descended from above the ceiling tiles, the Dr. monolouged on his life-long ambition to eradicate the Theory of Creation by breeding and training a species of apes to be assassins. He was inspired by a car commercial.
Even though I knew that advanced training did not produce a new kind of animal, it occurred to me that speaking my mind probably wouldn't help the situation. I didn't wait for the Dr. to finish before turning tail and running away. As I ran I could hear the monkeys chattering in glee behind me.
Since then, my brakes have failed and several anvils have fallen out of the sky and nearly flattened my head. I found a ninja monkey in the toilet this morning. Before it could dislodge itself I hit the flush lever. I'm still not convinced it's gone...what if it had gill slits? There was one in the freezer waiting for me to get the chicken out for lunch. Good thing I had a knife in my hand already.
I'm convinced that the only hope I have is to find Chuck Norris before they get lucky. I heard Chuck Norris eats ninja monkey jerky, so it shouldn't be to hard for him to help. I just gotta find him first...wait, what's that looking in the winlkjfsidfjlglre