Where do I start?

Good afternoon, all.

Yesterday was something else, that's for sure. ALS is officially finished. Praise God! No, really; these past few weeks have been a life-changing experience, especially last night.

After the graduation ceremony/cleanup, there was a party at a classmate's house. I knew before I went what to expect as far as loud, obscene music and alcohol, but thought it was appropriate to go. It was. As I walked in with my brown paper bag (full of coffee and energy tea), I saw the party was already underway. There were a few people standing around and talking while one guy was so hyper he was dancing. I saw a girl, who is a believer, with a drink in her hand. As the night progressed more people arrived but the basic theme was the same: we were relieved that school is out.

I couldn't help but notice the people. The more I watched, the more I saw broken-heartedness and desperation. The more I watched, the more pain I saw in their actions and eyes. The eyes are always the worst. So much of a person's life can be seen in the eyes, especially when the mind is altered by alcohol and they have no energy to erect emotional barriers. I started thinking about this pain that I saw. I wondered if I was seeing my pain as theirs and was just fooling myself. I prayed and watched and realized that for the most part it wasn't.

I watched the girl who is a believer and had to stop myself from taking the drink away and driving her home. My heart goes out to her in such a way that I cannot describe it. I don't know why. Maybe it's because she's cute and hormones are involved, too, but the point is it does. I had to leave early because I would have eventually done something stupid while trying to protect her from the consequences of her actions.

After that I rented a movie and it was incredible. It brought my thoughts right back to the people I'd left two hours before. I was thinking about everything I'd tried to help them with. I was thinking about our discussions over religion (they weren't much, but for my quiet self, it was better than usual). I was thinking about all the times I'd been selfish or selfless and wondered if anything I did brought them closer to Jesus.

Without permission from me, my mind settled on the fact that almost no one was a follower of Christ, and if they died right then, would be separated from him for eternity. Nearly everyone I just left was doomed to death at that moment.

I wept. For them, for my foolishness in not pursuing them further, and for myself. I wept mostly for them, though. The problems in my life are nothing compared to not having a Lord and Savior. They are nothing compared to not knowing Him. For some reason, that has not taken hold in my heart until now. I've lost touch with what the effects of sin are and with how incredible it is that the King would die for his creation.

So now I'm fasting. I've decided to not eat until I hear from God about this. What do I do? Where do I go? What do I say? How do I say it? Where are my priorities, really? I'm not entirely sure I know what my question is, but I know He has an answer.

I normally don't talk about this stuff, especially the fasting, but I need your prayers. Ask for humility, so I can see me as I am, and have the courage to be changed. Ask for strength and discipline, please! I don't know how long this fast is going to last, and I don't like being hungry. I love food, too!
I already know how to fast, for the most part. I'm taking vitamins and am hydrated, so that's no worry. I just need to hear from him today. Or tomorrow. Or whenever He decides to answer. Thanks!

Danny