A Study in Frustration and Pain

Today's been a good day so far. Whoever is praying for me, thanks...I need it, and it is working!

After drill practice I've got a few hours of time to write and study, which is good. I didn't actually make such a fool of myself as I thought I would. Sometimes when I have to be loud (and yes, for those people who don't believe me, I can be VERY loud) my voice sounds a little less than manly. That didn't happen though.

I have noticed something very interesting about myself. While standing in the shower the other day, I realized that I crave attention. It is such a foreign idea to my mind that it has taken a long time to sink in. I have always known that I crave fellowship, both with Jesus and with other believers, but I didn't realize the attention part until then.
In my ALS class there's a cute Christian girl. She's awesome. I'm not leading into speech about relationships or possibilities or any of that mushy stuff, just that she is there. Follow my train of thought?
So I was thinking about how I could get her attention when I suddenly realized that I'm thinking about how I can get her attention! I never realized that before. That started me thinking about how I view other people; especially people in authority, cute Christian girls, and all kinds of other persons and situations.
I enjoy being the center of attention. I actually do things to get people to look at me and hear me. Wow. That little snippet of my personality must have been hidden behind many years of self-conditioning.
You know, it's funny how God uses women to show me myself. I didn't realize what fellowship was and how badly I need it until I became friends with a lady. I didn't know what a godly relationship was, or at least looked like, or what loneliness was like, until I wanted a princess. (Obviously there is still work there to be done). I didn't know what real pain was, either, until I had to let go of a girl. Most of my life lessons (there are more private things than what I've just listed) have come through women. Very interesting.
Now all the girls I know that read this blog are going to think I'm weird. Well, to be honest, I kinda am, though maybe not what you are thinking. I don't know why God does it this way but he seems to. Of course, he'll probably change it now that I've seen it. Oh well. Romans 8:28-30, right?

Grace and peace,

Danny the weird guy